Thursday, February 21, 2008

Things I don't understand #15...

...How some dudes dig other dudes.
Now I want to be clear, this is not a post trying to make any sort of moral, ethical, religious, political, or fashion statement. Honestly, I'm somewhat surprised any human, male or female, ever finds the average(or even above average) man attractive (file away for another post). Essentially, this stems from a conversation I had several years ago at a bible study (Yes, I know when best to steer clear of controversy). Actually, it was after the bible study had ended.

It was the typical stand-around-and-talk-about-meaningless-stuff portion of the evening. Somehow the conversation found it's way to thoughts on sexuality. More to the point, I think someone had mentioned that guys in general seemed to react more negatively to the thought of male homosexuality than to lesbianism. I somewhat hesitantly concurred. It was at that moment I realized I was standing in a group that included 7 to 10 females and me. And apparently, they took my reply as some sort of confession of my sexual deviance. I felt the spotlight. I realized had there been futures trading on Farky (yes, I just referred to myself by my nickname in the third person...welcome to the wonderful world of blogs) at that moment, they could have been had for pennies on the dollar. I finally said, "That's because guys understand lesbians." (One of the things I DO underdstand. Does this mean I have to start a whole new blog?) I'm pretty sure this didn't improve the situation. All the sudden, the handful of other guys in the room took evasive action. One backed away slowly. One was able to morph from human form to ghost. Another somehow broke the sound barrier and was out the door in under .18 seconds.
Spokeswoman for the group: Oh really? Why?
Idiot guy who should just shut up: Yeah.
SWftG: How?
(Chuckles emanate from the group, knowing that I was doomed)

At this point, I will admit that I had nothing. Even though I really did believe what I said and that I had never intended any sexual connotations, I was having a hard time coming up with a way to mollify the group and not prove to be the example of much of what was wrong with my gender. All the sudden, there was a light. I don't know if it was my own bumbling brain or divine inspiration (Honestly, I bet God was getting a bigger kick out of this than anyone) or blind luck. But at that moment it occurred to me what I could say that might get me at least half-way out of the hot water.
Idiot guy who no longer has the option of shutting up: That's because...uh...because women are pretty and soft and smell good; and guys...guys are ugly and gross and stink.
Women : (Demeanors soften and a slight "Ahhh" is heard as if a cute puppy had just entered the scene)
Me : (Looks behind himself to ensure that a puppy hadn't actually entered the scene. No puppy.)

Despite it's simplicity and somewhat juvenile nature, I still think it might be one of the truest things I've ever said. Obviously, I spoke in generalities, but I think it's generally true. The average girl is much better to look at the than average guy. And I'm not saying girls never stink, but it seems to take alot more effort to get there. Guys, on the other hand, are in a perpetual battle against the malodorous emission. And the success rate is troubling. Plus, have you ever been in a place where multiple guys live? God forbid you ever have to walk into a male dorm. And do I really even to defend the gross part? It seems to start with our actual persons and extend to the environment which we inhabit. Which leads us back to my original point...I think.
Idiot guy who now feels like he just pulled a rabbit out of his hat: You see, two girls just means twice as much pretty. Two guys, on the other hand, is just double the gross. And nobody wants that.

Yet, some seem to. And I just don't understand.

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