Thursday, January 31, 2008

Things I don't understand #7...


...What color socks to wear. I'm pretty sure a lot of men suffer from this particular confusion. If you made me, I would bet that most men have some sort of system they've decided to use, but they're secretly concerned that they picked the wrong one. There seems to be two choices. You either match the socks to the shoes, or you match the socks to the pants. I heard it college during a speech on professional dress that the socks should always match the belt and shoes, then I had a conversation around Christmas with a female whom I trust and respect about this and she assured me it was the pant method. But about a week ago, I wore a blue suit and decided to go with black shoes. I don't even remember what color socks I ended up choosing. I just remember staring at my sock drawer for a long time. And don't even get me started on which socks should be worn with jeans. And should you ever wear socks with shorts if they're not athletic in nature? I've always thought, "NO!"; but what do I know, really? I'm going to change my socks.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Things I don't understand #6...

...How I didn't end up being a architect.
You might be thinking, "I know of like 10 reasons," or "what brought this on?" Well, this week marks the 50 year anniversary of the Lego. The great Lego. You see, from the time I knew what an architect was (probably age 7) to about my senior year in high school I was pretty sure I was going to be an designer of structures and drawer of blueprints. I'm not sure if that was based on my Lego prowess, but it should have been. I was a Lego genius. My two greatest Lego triumphs were the Blue Lion of Voltron complete with a hinged jaw and cockpit in the lion head that held a Lego man and a delivery truck that featured a full windshield, side windows, seats for the delivery Lego man, and a working roll up door on the back. I also crash tested the truck and found it was still structurally sound even after being rolled off the porch and down 2 concrete steps. I know you're impressed. Yet, despite my obvious ability with toy plastic building blocks, I never played with man-sized real building blocks. Huh. We may never know where it all went wrong. But in reverence to the Lego, I offer you this Lego time line. Good day.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Things I don't understand #5...

...why Reebok abandoned such a good thing.
Most of the time, especially as we near the Super Bowl, we are confronted with various commercials and marketing attempts to both gain favor and access to our pocketbooks. Rarely, does a company come up with an idea that meets with the public's approval. Even less rare is when that same company decides to essentially drop the idea and not exploit their fortunate discovery. Sadly, though, that is the tale of Reebok and the short lived career of "Terry Tate, Office Linebacker." Terry made his debut in 2002, yet after commercials during the 2003 Super Bowl, only two other installments were produced for a total of only eight? The mix of comedy and bone-crushing hits is relentless and ultimately quite entertaining. But we needed more! Oh well, in memory of the great Terry Tate I give you all the "episodes".



God love "Terrible" Terry Tate. May he rest in peace...

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Things I don't understand #4...


...Bikinis.
You might be thinking, "But Jason, you're a red-blooded American male. What's there to understand?" And well, you'd be right. I understand that it might be the greatest article of clothing God ever invented. Huh? Oh...OK, so maybe God's not ready to take full credit, but isn't there something in the Bible about Him creating all things great and small? And both would apply here. Nothing has done more to make a trip to the beach more appealing since...well water. Trust me, I'm not here to decry the bikini. Nay, I celebrate it. I don't even question the various reasons why some women would want to wear them. There's just something I don't understand. (Thus the title).

What perplexes me is how we (men) got so lucky. This may be looking the gift horse in the mouth, or telling stories out of school, or any other cliche which connotes that I'm about to ruin something good by mentioning it. But the situation, as I see it, breaks down thusly (Pardon the generalities).

Men spend large portions of their time and energy (especially between the ages of 12-49) attempting to convince, cajole, and eventually break down the will of females so that they will move progressive (or regressively, depending on how you look at it) through the various stages of undress. One major positive (or negative, depending on how you look at it) benchmark in this process could be considered when all outer clothing is absent leaving only the underwear. So all these men, all this money, all this effort, all this brainpower (or not very much, depending on how you look at it) to achieve a particular goal.

But somehow, in this wonderful world in which we live all that can be bypassed if we do one simple thing..... Supply a body of water. It can be large (i.e. Pacific Ocean), it can be moderately sized(i.e. Lake Texoma) , it can be small (i.e. swimming pool) , it can be tiny (i.e. hot tub?), but if water is present a whole new world is made available. Is it really that easy? Do they(women) really not notice that they're wearing essentially the same amount of clothing, be it bikini or bra and panties? The answers to both are apparently yes. And since that's the case, I don't really even need to understand.

Monday, January 21, 2008