Things I don't understand #21...

...What to do when I get a haircut.
So today I did such. I got my ears lowered. So there's a couple of points of confusion for me here. There first is what I tell the person as to how I would like my hair cut. Now, if you live in the big city(like me), and you're a guy(like me) you probably end up at on of those generic prosuperfantasticcuts places(like me). That probably also greatly increases the chance that the person doing the cutting is not of American decent, thus introducing the added excitement of a language barrier. Even without the need for a interpretor, I'm usually at a loss as to what to tell them when I get the question,"So what would we like to do today?" I'm a guy! It's really not that complicated. Many times my reply is,"Uh...you know...shorter." Here lately, I've gone back to a relatively short cut that employs the use of clippers. This makes it somewhat easier, because I can just tell them what size guard to use and away we go. But...but then, like today, I get a question about the top. And sometimes, like today, I even get a specific question like,"So you want me to take a half inch off the top?" I have no idea. Unfortunately, my clairvoyancy does not extend into the realm of cosmetology. Is a half inch alot? Maybe we should take a whole inch. I haven't the foggiest. Most of them time I just nod my assent out of frustration and exhaustion of the entire subject.

Then we enter part two of my confusion. Does the person cutting my hair expect me to talk? I feel slightly uncomfortable not talking to someone that close to me who happens to be working on my head...with sharp objects. But there are a couple of obstacles here. First, I'm not there very long. If I'm still in the chair 15 minutes after sitting down, I start wondering what's taking so long. If we make it to 20, I start deducting from the tip. Once again, I'm a guy, it's not that hard. Obviously, you ladies out there probably go in thinking it will be at least an hour, so it turns into a regular afternoon tea. I've even been fortunate enough to get caught in one of these scenarios(don't ask), and after an hour and half, suicide seemed like a positive outcome. But as we've covered. This guy here...not a chick. I don't need to make friends at the hair cuttin' place. I need my hair to be shorter than when I went in. Another issue that inhibits me and the stylist sharing snappy retorts is that there is usually something very close to one of my ears making some sort of humming or buzzing sound. Today I think four different types of clippers or shears or electric razors were used. If you're talking to me, there's a good chance I can't hear you. Plus, let's not forget the whole language thing. I usually just end up sitting there with failed smile counting the minutes. And then I leave...and try to delay thinking about it until next time.