Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Things I don't understand #4...

You might be thinking, "But Jason, you're a red-blooded American male. What's there to understand?" And well, you'd be right. I understand that it might be the greatest article of clothing God ever invented. Huh? Oh...OK, so maybe God's not ready to take full credit, but isn't there something in the Bible about Him creating all things great and small? And both would apply here. Nothing has done more to make a trip to the beach more appealing since...well water. Trust me, I'm not here to decry the bikini. Nay, I celebrate it. I don't even question the various reasons why some women would want to wear them. There's just something I don't understand. (Thus the title).

What perplexes me is how we (men) got so lucky. This may be looking the gift horse in the mouth, or telling stories out of school, or any other cliche which connotes that I'm about to ruin something good by mentioning it. But the situation, as I see it, breaks down thusly (Pardon the generalities).

Men spend large portions of their time and energy (especially between the ages of 12-49) attempting to convince, cajole, and eventually break down the will of females so that they will move progressive (or regressively, depending on how you look at it) through the various stages of undress. One major positive (or negative, depending on how you look at it) benchmark in this process could be considered when all outer clothing is absent leaving only the underwear. So all these men, all this money, all this effort, all this brainpower (or not very much, depending on how you look at it) to achieve a particular goal.

But somehow, in this wonderful world in which we live all that can be bypassed if we do one simple thing..... Supply a body of water. It can be large (i.e. Pacific Ocean), it can be moderately sized(i.e. Lake Texoma) , it can be small (i.e. swimming pool) , it can be tiny (i.e. hot tub?), but if water is present a whole new world is made available. Is it really that easy? Do they(women) really not notice that they're wearing essentially the same amount of clothing, be it bikini or bra and panties? The answers to both are apparently yes. And since that's the case, I don't really even need to understand.

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